yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
