i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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