when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
