I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize