Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
