life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
