everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
