my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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