actually, I'm a sock model
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ugly people sure do ruin things
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
