They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
