White coat. Heels.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im part way to drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
