Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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