she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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