I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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