coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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