I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
