im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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