Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
