He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drake has all the answers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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