Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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