I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Floor bacon is actually really good
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
