He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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