I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
