WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
