Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Two words: nipple clamps
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