Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
