I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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