i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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