yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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