apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
