what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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