Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
