it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
