one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Terrible idea I love it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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