Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
