you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
