This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
