He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize