Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
