You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
