I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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