I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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