i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
