we have pet lesbian snakes
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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