the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just gargled with NyQuil
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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