I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Everything about him screamed your future.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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