Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
