She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
