If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize