he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
