If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
