Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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