they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
