what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
