I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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