My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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