it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
