So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
