DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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