Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
