I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't shave. On purpose
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
