I've blown a few things in my day
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
