I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
