walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
