Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
