I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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