i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
