I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
