Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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