CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
