There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Green mimosas i think yes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
