he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
