He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
