Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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