are you still at the devil's house?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
