If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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