I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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