Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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