Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
