God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's like heaven, but drunker
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
