I'm so fucking centered right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
