he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
