I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
