I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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