Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
