And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
