I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
