Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
