She is in my trunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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