I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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