my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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