ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
