It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love having hate sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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