I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
