So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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