dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
