i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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