Non-Jews are for practice
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
