I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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