i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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