she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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