wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
