Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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