i just had sex bonerless
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
