i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
