i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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