I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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