she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
