You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
