I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize