The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
