I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
